Diagnosis

Well on Tuesday 12/8/09 I was officially diagnosed with Osteoarthritis in my knees.  Not the news I was hoping for.  I admit that I was hoping it was a meniscus tear that they could go in and repair.  A little bit of therapy and tada, I would be all better.  This is NOT the case with Osteoarthritis.  Basically my options are limited to dealing with the pain.  There is NO cure.  The Dr. said eventually I will need my knees replaced.  Bummer.

So now what?  Well I have done a little reading on the subject (not nearly enough...but some), and I have learned that losing weight will help the pain - so I'm on the right track there.  Read some info about how important reducing inflammation can be to slow the progression of the disease - so Dr. Perricone's anti-inflammatory diet is a good choice for me.  I have yet to learn which exercises will benefit me and cause the least pain or damage.  I asked my personal trainer on Jillian's site, but have not heard back yet.  Will have to do a little research on this.

I'm still processing this information.  I go from hopeful because finally I'm taking stuff to help manage the pain (right now I'm on 4 Aleve (2 in the morning and 2 at night) and 8 Ibuprofen (2 every four hours).  It seems to be helping - although today I'm having a little more pain.  I might have over done it yesterday walking into work after a big snow storm.

I have NO intention of letting this undermine my weight loss efforts.  I will just have to readjust my plan a bit - that's what I'm going to be working on.  The battle continues.

I'm back!

Well it’s been awhile. I know! So much has happened since I was last on here. I ended by stating I was headed to California to see my son. Well that visit went fabulous! We had such a great time. He and his girlfriend Jess showed us much of the beautiful state of California. We saw Sequoia National Park as well as Kings Canyon – so pretty words can not describe. We continued down the coast ending in San Diego where they live. We were able to see that city and I was amazed at how pretty and clean it was. John showed us Coronado Island where he worked. It was so much fun! The only bad part was that while I was there I injured my knee. Somehow while using a hotel treadmill, I did “something” to my knee which would cause me more problems than I realized at the time.


I returned home from that trip only to be followed home by my son John. LOL. He nearly beat us home! Ha ha ha. He said that our 5 day visit was too short and he wanted more time with family. So he came home for another 10 days. It was such a great visit because there were no plans, holidays or any disruptions…just time together at home. Just what he needed and I have to admit…just what I needed. 
For the next two months I was unable to walk on my treadmill because of my knee. The pain I was feeling was different than that I have experienced from my Patella Femoral Syndrome. I knew I really hurt something this time. So I was determined to baby it and let it heal. I iced it regularly and stretched it often. After awhile it began to feel better. By the end of November I felt ready to begin working it a bit. So one Monday I rode on my stationary bike for 30 minutes. I didn’t do anything too strenuous…just a moderate workout. So far so good….

I rested my knee the following day and it still felt pretty good. Some discomfort, but with my knee problems (my syndrome) that was nothing unusual. On Wednesday I decided to take a walk on my treadmill. I walked at 2.3 mph, with my treadmill on full incline. (Jillian said that if you walk slowly on an incline it can bring your heart rate up just as though you were walking much faster.) Seemed like a good idea at the time…LOL. I was able to get my heart-rate up to 85% while still allowing me to walk carefully with minimal impact. After the walk I felt pretty good and even walked to work. On my way to work however the similar pains in my knee began (the ones I had experienced in California). That worried me.

At work I sat at my desk and my knee popped. I knew immediately that this was something way more serious than even what had happened in California. I made a doctors appointment for the upcoming Friday (this happened the day before Thanksgiving, so I had to wait for an appointment). That doctor scheduled me for an appointment with a specialist who suspects a vertical meniscus tear. He in turn scheduled me for an MRI. The results will be explained to me next Wednesday…nearly two weeks from when it actually began to hurt seriously. Oh well, what can you do but wait patiently right?

Now let me say a couple of things.

1. I did NOT eat well while I was not able to work out like I used to. That was pretty stupid. There is no other way to say it. Why in the world would I think “Hey you can’t workout right now…so you might as well eat anything you want.” Instead wouldn’t it have been wiser to say “Hey, you can’t workout like you’re used to, so you better be extra careful with your eating.” But NO, I didn’t do that. My current weight is only 1lb heavier than I was at the end of my last blog. But I know that I’ve lost muscle mass and replaced it with fat.

2. I did NOT workout my upper body or do any abdominal work while my knee was recovering. Why?!?! Another bad decision!! Seriously in hindsight, I think I should have done what exercises I could so that I didn’t lose ground in other areas. But I didn’t do that either. Uggggghhhh! People wonder why they have weight problems for their whole LIFE…A SERIES OF BAD DECISIONS PEOPLE!!!

Okay so on to the good news. There’s good news in all of this you say? Well I think so. First of all I’m going to find out what is actually wrong with my knee. Whether it’s what the doctor thinks or something else, at least I will know for sure come next Wednesday.

Also, I’ve realized that it’s so important for me to focus on my diet. I’ve improved so much over the last year making better food choices. I cook healthier meals and have cleaned much of the junk out of my home. But there are still those occasions when I justify eating sweets or garbage. And I’ve come to realize that has to stop. It’s like saying “As long as I only take this poison once in awhile I’ll be fine!” How ridiculous.

So I’ve decided to follow the Perricone Weight-Loss diet. While I may not be able to follow it exactly (only because his menu suggests many recipes that are for 4 – 6 people and I’m usually by myself), I know that I can stay pretty close to the foods he recommends. I like his plan because it reinforces much of what I’ve learned from Jillian’s Master your Metabolism and the Eat Clean eating plan. Eat as close to natural foods as you possibly can. Sugar and processed foods are killing us!!! But in addition to those things I know it was chock full of supplements that are supposed to help me get my body back in working function. Things to help me burn fat more efficiently, regulate my sugar, increase my insulin receptors, improve my skin, enhance my brain function, etc. All natural…I like that.

So today I started that diet. I took my morning supplements, and will be taking many more throughout the day. I’ll focus on more of the specifics later.

I also decided to take a course though PeerTrainer that is helping me figure out the psychological part of my weight gain. I realize that I must understand it if I’m ever going to break the bad behaviors.

And I’ve committed to working out in whatever way I’m able to while I get this knee back in working order. No more neglecting that part of my routine.

I promise to be more faithful in my posting.

So there you have it…where I was…to where I am today. I’m still on the journey to scaling down.

Talk to you soon.
Tammy

My head is not in the blogging

I have to admit to you that my mind is already on vacation.  I'm going to see my son on Thursday.  Tomorrow after work I go to Madison to stay with my sister Kelley so that I'm nearer the airport as my flight is early early Thursday Morning.

While I don't seem to have the focus to really blog - I wanted to let you know I'm still very much on course with my running.  I did the full workout on Sunday.  Monday was my day off and this morning I did my walk/jog interval. 

I have decided however to continue with the 30 minutes of jogging and 1 minute of walking while I'm on vacation this next week.  I will try to increase the jogging to 45 minutes next week after I get back.  I'm worried that it will be hard to fit the circuit training in and I dont' want to make my willpower even weaker by making it extra hard.  Also my knees have been bothering me lately (I've been frequently icing them down after I jog) and I don't want to make them worse when I'm going sight-seeing.

So bear with me as I get through this vacation.  I plan on returning full-force after this break.  I want to incorporate more of my eating and recipes in the upcoming blogs.  And I promise to update everyone on my accumulated mileage when I return as well.  I will be keeping track of that as I workout on vacation. 

Headed out on vacation...be back soon!
T

Stats:

Weight 216.5

Accumulated miles: 6.48

BMI: 31.5

Body Fat %: 43.7

Celebrations make dieting hard!

Yesterday I did my full workout.  I did my walk/jog interval training and I also did my circuit training.  That was in the morning.  In the afternoon/evening my husband and I had a wedding we had to attend.

No matter how well you do all week, weekends can unravel you.  This wedding was a prime example of that.  There were really NO healthy menu choices for me.  They had a turkey stuffing mixture.  Roast beef on a bun, pasta salad and deserts.  I ended up having a little of everything.  I also had 3 drinks.  According to Jillian Michaels, alcohol is like the anti-diet.  It can really hinder your weight loss.

That being said I had a fantastic time.  I saw family and friends that I had not seen in awhile and was very glad I went.  You simply can't avoid life just to maintain a diet...that's just wrong.  But you have to be smart, both before and after these events.  I had a good low cal breakfast (yogurt, almonds, strawberries and a sprinkling of granola) and then I had a light lunch (whole grain bread, lean turkey, fat-free cheese sandwich).  So hopefully my dinner and drinks didn't do long lasting damage.

Today my plan is to workout strong and eat smart!  While the scale did show a two pound gain this morning, I'm confident that will all be gone by my Friday weigh day.  You can have temporary ups and downs on that scale all the time due to fluid retention and the like.  Weighing myself every day helps me stay committed to my plan - but I don't let those occasional gains upset the apple cart.  If anything it just makes me even more committed to doing everything right.

Today is Sunday.  I will be packing for my trip to California and watching football - AFTER my workout.  Hope you all had a great weekend.

T

Stats:

Weight 216.5

Accumulated miles: 5.08

BMI: 31.5

Body Fat %: 43.7

Today made Yesterday worth it!

Today (Friday) is my normal day off from exercise.  I take two days off a week where I rest from my workouts Mondays and Fridays, and I cherish them. 

But before I tell you about today I have to tell you about yesterday...

Have you ever had one of those days where you just battle with your will???  I mean YOU, your will - or your willpower, wants to continue down the path you're own trying to get fit and healthy (I'll call that the "good-me").  The other YOU...tries to talk you out of it (I'll call that the "bad-me").  I mean it's a verbal argument in your mind!!!  Well I had that yesterday...a major battle with myself.  And it went something like this...

My alarm clock went off at 5:30.  I hit snooze...and did not want to get up.  It went off again and the argument began.  "Come on!" bad-me said "You've been getting up every morning by 5:00...today you don't even have go be to work until 9:00!!  Can't you just sleep in one day?!?!"

Good-me answered promptly, "No, I've slept in more days than not in the last 46 years and it shows! I'm getting up!"  I made myself get out of bed. 

"Fine, you're up, but no point in moving too quickly.  You've got lots of time...so let's have a slow morning and kind of just relax." the bad me continued. 

I moved slowly through my morning routine, until I realized I was stalling...almost hoping I would run out of time. So I quickly made myself go downstairs and threw on my workout clothes. Before I could think about it or more importantly before bad-me could convince me not to, I jumped on my treadmill and began my walk/jog interval training. 

Before I was even a minute into it my workout, bad-me began again "Fine you're doing this, but how about instead of the usual 30 minutes we only do this interval thing for 10 or 20 minutes?"  Good-me just said "I'm not listening!" and just kept going.  I finished the FULL 30 minutes and went faster than I had any previous time! 

Then bad-me began the next assault "Well goody for YOU, you did your interval training...how about we skip your circuit training?  I mean you did the walk/jog thing even though you know you didn't want to!!! I say we shower and head upstairs for a relaxing rest of the morning" 

But good-me was stronger!  So I just turned up my music and started into my strength training circuit.  Of course bad-me didn't stop there "How about we only do ONE set of each of these exercises instead of two?"  But good-me was persistent and finished the entire circuit TWO sets and all!

I'm not trying to convince anyone I'm Schizophrenic or anything...there were not two actual voices in my head!  The point I'm trying to make is the internal argument was there!  Yesterday was one of the hardest days I've had to work out in a long long time!  My mind and body didn't want to do it.  And in the past (many times in the past in fact) I would have given into that "bad-me" and not worked out.  But that was in the past...

There is a certain amount of pride and a fair amount of exhilaration when you workout despite of your profound desire NOT too.  In fact I joke with some of my online friends that you get to burn "double" calories every time you workout on a day when you really really do not want to.  :-)  And that's kind of how I felt.  After I won in a battle like that, internal or otherwise, how could I not feel satisfied?  But the real satisfaction came today instead...

As I stated earlier, today was my day off of exercise.  YAY!  After yesterday I was really looking forward to a day where I was allowed to not workout. No guilt - this day is EARNED! Instead I planned a day to go shopping.  I drove 1.5 hours north to LaCrosse, WI.  I decided to check out the sales up there to see if I could find some clothes to wear on my trip to California next week.  I'm going to visit my eldest son John. 

My sale shopping took me to Macy's where I was looking for a comfortable nice looking lounge/sweat suit that I could wear on the plane.  I hate restrictive clothing when I'm flying in an airplane.  So I went to the plus size womens section and found one that I liked in a 1X and went to try it on.  It was too BIG!  I was elated...but then just figured it must be that particular item, so I went and got a couple more things in 1X and size 20 and tried them on...TOO BIG!!!  Unbelieveable!  So I left the plus sizes and went to the regular women's size clothing, where I was able to find an outfit and several blouses that I liked on sale in size XL. 

Now maybe moving from a 1X to an XL doesn't seem like that big of a jump to some people reading this blog...but to me it was a gigantic leap.  I was actually able to shop in the regular women's clothing section for the first time in probably two decades!  Yep first time in over 20 years!

So was my internal argument yesterday worth it????  HECK YEAH!!!  Will I be able to convince myself to do my workout tomorrow?  I'm thinking the answer to that will be YES!!!  I feel so good about the progress I'm making - and little victories like this will only fuel the fire in me.  So tonight I go to bed...ALL SMILES!

Stats:

Weight 214.5

Accumulated miles: 4.38

BMI: 31.5

Body Fat %: 43.7

Uncovering truths

Hello everyone!!! 

Today is a day of self-discovery for me.  In an earlier post I was asking if anyone had any insight into self sabotage.  I also asked my online friends if they had any ideas as to why some of us seem to sabotage our own efforts, especially when we near a milestone.  People had various answers, but none of them hit home with me.  Then I went online and began to search myself for psychological reasons people self-sabotage, and I found some interesting reasons - all of which I will list in case some of these spark an awareness in you:

Methods of Self-Sabotage

• Not believing you deserve to be thin or have what you want.
• Telling yourself that dieting is too hard and you are not disciplined enough to follow through.
• Worrying how you’ll be accepted at your goal weight.
• Letting fear of life without the fat barrier get the best of you.
• Being afraid of how you’ll respond when people show they are attracted to you.
• Fear of losing yourself to the new, slim version of you.
• Fear of failure and fear of success.
• Wish not to deal with jealous friends.
• Fear of having excess hanging skin after you lose a lot of weight.
• You won’t be able to use fat as an excuse to stay on the sidelines of life anymore.
• You think people will have higher expectation of you after you lose weight.
• You are unhappy and feel undeserving of success

 
While some of them like fear of failure (with me that would be gaining the weight back) touched a note in my mind, I realized that none of them resonated as the MAIN reason I would have this destructive and repetitive behavior.  Then I went on a website that I found very informative and interesting: http://www.peertrainer.com/ and it's there that I think I may have found my answer. It was in the article Psychology of Weight Loss 101.  In that article they asked a simple question that you had to answer before moving on and to me that question was PROFOUND!!! And I believe that many people will find more of an answer within themselves by answering this simple question:

What do I get to avoid in my life by carrying this extra weight?

That question really made me think.  You see I'm not a shy person who's trying to hide behind the weight.  I do not have low self-esteem (although answering this question brought some PAST insecurity issues to the mind).  I have a fabulous marriage so I'm not insecure in that way.  But the thought of using my weight to avoid something was intriguing to me.  So I really thought about it and identified a few real deep rooted issues in my life that I am going to have to deal with if I want this weight gone for good!
 

1. In my childhood my father was a very sick man.  We had a dog kennel that was a tremendous amount of physical work.  As he got sicker a lot of that work fell to me and my sister.  We worked like "dogs" pardon the pun.  I remember starting work in the kennel as soon as I got home from school (cleaning them, feeding and watering animals, taking care of puppies, giving vaccines, clipping dogs, bathing dogs, etc.) and not entering the house for supper until after 10:00 at night.  I realized that being overweight (with the bad back that went along with it) had allowed me to avoid hard physical work.  I'm willing to work hard at any job I'm at (which have mostly been desk jobs), but my physical limitations (and my doting husband and sons) have spared me from heavy physical work. In fact this summer with my husband working out of town and much of the physical garden work fell to me, and I found myself getting angry and resentful.  It's now obvious to me that having had to work that physically hard in what should have been my carefree childhood has left a lasting mark on me. But I'm thinking I can still limit my physical labor without slowing killing myself with food...don't you?  
2. When I was first married, I was very insecure in my marriage.  After all I got married at 17 because I was pregnant.  For the longest time I was afraid my husband who has so much honor and integrity married me because he felt he had to.  I began to gain this weight very early in my marriage. Of course now after 28+ years of marriage I've learned beyond a shadow of a doubt that he really LOVES me!!!  However, it dawned on me that had my fears been realized, I would have been able to blame my unloveability on my weight.  I would have been able to AVOID any personal responsibility for a broken relationship.  In a strange sort of way I think I may have put this weight on as a precautionary measure - just in case.  Doesn't that sound insane?

I'm sure many more crazy discoveries will come to light as I really think about this question.  These two will occupy me for now.  I have NO DOUBT in my mind that I'll be able to deal with these two issues as I can clearly see they are grounded in lies - both of them.  And we all know the truth sets you free. :-)
I feel liberated!!!  I've never been one to delve deeply into my mind and Psyche to figure out behaviors.  I truthfully thought it was a huge waste of time and energy.  But recently, through watching The Biggest Loser, and seeing how those trainers have to dig deep to the root of the contestants issues in order to heal them mind, body and soul...I've decided to do a little mind excavating myself.  And low and behold, I'm realizing that I have things in my subconscious that have been impacting my life. Who knew???

On a side note - I'm doing fantastic in my run/walking routine.  I'm continuing on with the 30 seconds of running and then 60 seconds of walk/recovery.  I have found already this week that it's getting easier.  I can measure this with my Heart Rate Monitor.  So next week, I'm going to step it up and begin running for 45 seconds and leaving my walk/recovery time at 60 seconds.  My son John recommended this strategy and I think it's going to work fabulously.

Stats:

Weight 214.5

Accumulated miles: 3.68
BMI: 31.5

Body Fat %: 43.7

A sad day of reflection...

This morning I got online only to discover one of my online's friends son tried to commit suicide yesterday.  Thank God he was unsuccessful and is now in the hospital getting the help he needs.  What a shock it is when something like this happens.  A few years back I lost a nephew to suicide and I remember with clarity the thoughts and emotions that went through my mind when that happened.  Life is short, too short!!

It seems some of us know extremes on both ends.  There are those that are diagnosed with a terminal illness that are fighting for their lives with every breath they take, wanting to live and relive every second, every moment they have here. Then there are those who's mental state strips them of the value of life - making every problem seem monumental and creating an anguish that appears insurmountable - fooling them into believing their only option is to exit life as quickly as possible.

Most of us fall somewhere in between - not really able to contemplate either of these extremes.  But have you ever taken inventory of your life and actions to see which end of this scale it would appear that you are?  For example, I consider myself a happy person.  I love my life - my family, my children, my job, etc.  If you asked me I am a glass half full kind of person.  And I would never in my right mind consider suicide an option. 

However, I'm well aware of the risks that obesity plays in my life.  I know that it increases my risk of diabetes, heart disease and even some types of cancers.  I realize that it is and will continue to diminish my quality of life - stripping me of the ability to do many things that others take for granted.  It may possibly even rob my children and husband of many years with me that they may otherwise have had. And yet for the majority of my life, I've made a conscious decision to over eat or eat those things that I know I should not.  I've also made the choice NOT to exercise as much as I know I should - deciding to hit the snooze button instead of getting up and working out.

While these choices could not necessarily be considered the equivalent of the misguided choice someone makes when they take their own life, I had to recognize that it slid me further over to that side of the extreme than I had earlier thought.  I mean if I were one of the people fighting for my life and I knew that all I had to do was eat right and exercise in order to add years or even decades back into my prognosis, do you think I would still be hitting that snooze button???  I think NOT!

I guess the point to this whole post is that no one really knows how long they have here - only God knows the number of our days.  I may die in a car accident tomorrow.  But I may live a lot longer...and some of those years really are up to me.  I can make choices now that could give me years and even decades back...and I can improve the quality of my life with these choices.  Those things are up to me!

From this day forward, I choose life!  As much as it is within my power to do so, I'm going to work hard to improve my health and add value to my life.  And I will pray for those people who's minds have betrayed them into thinking that life does not have value - I will pray that God will show them the truth and love that surround them, through the people in their lives and the God that created them.

Stats:

Weight 214.5
Accumulated miles: 2.99
BMI: 31.5
Body Fat %: 43.7